Tennis, anyone?

I’ve been watching a lot of the U. S. Open Tennis tournament on television in the last week or so. While watching yesterday’s women’s semifinal between Azarenka and Pennetta, I got to wondering if it was possible for a tennis fan to identify the player(s) without looking -- just by listening to the tone, pitch, length, and intensity of the grunt or gasp or squeal or, in Azarenka's case, shriek that they emit every time they hit the ball.

When I learned to play tennis in the summer of 1959, nobody mentioned making noise on every shot.

Of course, things were different in those days. Rackets were wood, balls were white, and nobody used more than one hand to swing the racket. Players always took two balls to the service line, since you get two chances to get a good serve in. You held both in your free hand, tossing one up for the first serve. If it went in, you carried the other ball throughout the play of the point.

After the two-handed backhand became popular, players had to have both hands free, and that’s when the men started putting the second ball in their pockets. The women came up with this thing where they tuck the ball up under their little short tennis skirts, which makes them look like they have a tennis-ball-size growth on their hips.

Can’t somebody design a tennis dress with a pocket on the outside?