I often think of something I might write about in this here blog thing but then reject it if I know that what I have to say about it will generate only a paragraph or a couple sentences.
I’ll bet you’re way ahead of me, aren’t you? Yes, here are some of those things.
One year we were doing massive Christmas shopping in a huge shopping mall. Before we were anywhere near done, we had too many packages to carry, so we rented a stroller and piled all the bags and boxes into it as we went. Sometimes people stopped and bent down to look at the child, or where the child would be. Reactions varied.
My friend Tony (the guy with the deaf cat) said he used to think that SRO stood for “sold right out.”
Did you ever notice that microfiber cloth catches on your hands the same way an apricot catches on your tongue?
And why does powdered sugar taste cold?
A hundred years ago immigrants Anglicized their first names when they came to America, and they gave their kids good ol' Yankee names too. Not any more.
I object to dressing little children in caps and gowns for “graduation” from kindergarten. Caps and gowns should be saved for high school, at least.
Someone I knew tried to convince me that all baby animals are cute and cuddly. Are you kidding? Have you ever seen a baby hippopotamus?
There was a guy I saw getting out of a car who then made sure every door was locked before he left it. I thought it was very strange since it was a convertible with the top down.
I've never found a way to include one of my favorite quotes in a posting, so I'll just do it now. "A dream without a plan is just a wish." (American track star Willye White)
I used to know a woman named Jim. Not a nickname, not short for something else, just Jim. Her father wanted a boy, didn’t get one, and you know the rest. She was our family doctor’s nurse. She was very nice.
I liked the year 1961 because it is the same upside down.
There’s probably more, but that’ll do. For now.
Thursday, October 17, 2019
Friday, October 11, 2019
I was so P.I. in those days
The other day I heard a story on the news about a young man who, after a traumatic head injury, was making good progress in rehabilitation, and the way he spoke – haltingly and with difficulty forming the words – reminded me of someone I once knew who talked just like that. Until that moment, I don't believe I had thought about her in decades.
Her name was Pat Boynton and she was in my gym glass my freshman year in high school. On the first day of classes, the PE teacher led our class out to the track behind the school and ordered us to run around it. That's when I noticed Pat Boynton. When running she looked like an electric mixer that has escaped the bowl. Her legs did a Crazy-Legs-Hirsch kind of thing, and her arms flailed at her sides. I was behind her and called out, “Boynton – you are totally uncoordinated!”
She turned around and let me catch up, treating me to the most engaging lopsided smile. “Yah … Ah know,” she said.
Some other girls came over to me, pulling me away. “There’s something wrong with her,” one of them said in a harsh whisper. “Don’t make fun of her.”
“I wasn’t making fun of her,” I said, “I was teasing her.”
When we were herded into the infield to perform some calisthenics, Pat managed some toe touches and some deep-knee bends, but she was all over the place trying to do jumping jacks. "Watch out," I said to her, "or you'll fall down and hurt somebody." That made her laugh.
There was something wrong with her, of course – cerebral palsy, I think, or some such disease. We never talked about it, and the only time I ever saw her was in gym class as we had no other classes together. As I recall (or think I do) she didn't last the entire fall term either in gym class or in school.
I'm glad that that young man's voice put me in mind of Pat Boynton. I have no idea whatever became of her, but it makes me happy to remember the girl with the cockeyed grin who liked me because I teased her about having cerebral palsy.
Her name was Pat Boynton and she was in my gym glass my freshman year in high school. On the first day of classes, the PE teacher led our class out to the track behind the school and ordered us to run around it. That's when I noticed Pat Boynton. When running she looked like an electric mixer that has escaped the bowl. Her legs did a Crazy-Legs-Hirsch kind of thing, and her arms flailed at her sides. I was behind her and called out, “Boynton – you are totally uncoordinated!”
She turned around and let me catch up, treating me to the most engaging lopsided smile. “Yah … Ah know,” she said.
Some other girls came over to me, pulling me away. “There’s something wrong with her,” one of them said in a harsh whisper. “Don’t make fun of her.”
“I wasn’t making fun of her,” I said, “I was teasing her.”
When we were herded into the infield to perform some calisthenics, Pat managed some toe touches and some deep-knee bends, but she was all over the place trying to do jumping jacks. "Watch out," I said to her, "or you'll fall down and hurt somebody." That made her laugh.
There was something wrong with her, of course – cerebral palsy, I think, or some such disease. We never talked about it, and the only time I ever saw her was in gym class as we had no other classes together. As I recall (or think I do) she didn't last the entire fall term either in gym class or in school.
I'm glad that that young man's voice put me in mind of Pat Boynton. I have no idea whatever became of her, but it makes me happy to remember the girl with the cockeyed grin who liked me because I teased her about having cerebral palsy.
Wednesday, October 2, 2019
What's the secret password?
Back in the late 1960’s I worked for a small publisher who was in serious financial trouble. The boss, John, planned to save the company by computerizing everything, a very forward-thinking idea at the time.
John owed money everywhere, and creditors called incessantly. Any employee likely to answer the phone was instructed to tell any caller who asked for him that John was out of the office. He told people he was willing to talk to, like his wife and friends and business associates to whom he did not owe money, to identify themselves and they would be put through.
One such caller was a computer programmer named Darwin who was typical of those 101101 guys in those days – absolutely brilliant writing computer programs, absolutely stupid about coming in out of the rain. I answered the phone one day when he called, and it went like this:
"Good afternoon, Unicomp."
“Hi, may I speak to John please?”
“I’m sorry, John’s not in the office this afternoon. May I take a message”
“Oh, this is Darwin. He’ll talk to me.”
“Oh, hello, Darwin. Yes, he would talk to you, but he’s not in right now.”
“I know, he said you would say that, and all I had to do was tell you who I am, and he would talk to me.”
“That’s right, Darwin, but he’s not in this afternoon.”
“I understand you’re supposed to say that, but he said he would always take my call.”
“Yes, Darwin, he would, but John is not in right now.”
“I know, but –”
“DARWIN! JOHN IS NOT HERE!”
“Oh, really? Oh, okay.”
“I’ll tell him you called.”
“You mean, he’s not in?”
“That’s right, Darwin. He’s not in.”
“Oh, okay.”
(Darwin's genius wasn't enough. I stayed with the company until my paycheck bounced.)
John owed money everywhere, and creditors called incessantly. Any employee likely to answer the phone was instructed to tell any caller who asked for him that John was out of the office. He told people he was willing to talk to, like his wife and friends and business associates to whom he did not owe money, to identify themselves and they would be put through.
One such caller was a computer programmer named Darwin who was typical of those 101101 guys in those days – absolutely brilliant writing computer programs, absolutely stupid about coming in out of the rain. I answered the phone one day when he called, and it went like this:
"Good afternoon, Unicomp."
“Hi, may I speak to John please?”
“I’m sorry, John’s not in the office this afternoon. May I take a message”
“Oh, this is Darwin. He’ll talk to me.”
“Oh, hello, Darwin. Yes, he would talk to you, but he’s not in right now.”
“I know, he said you would say that, and all I had to do was tell you who I am, and he would talk to me.”
“That’s right, Darwin, but he’s not in this afternoon.”
“I understand you’re supposed to say that, but he said he would always take my call.”
“Yes, Darwin, he would, but John is not in right now.”
“I know, but –”
“DARWIN! JOHN IS NOT HERE!”
“Oh, really? Oh, okay.”
“I’ll tell him you called.”
“You mean, he’s not in?”
“That’s right, Darwin. He’s not in.”
“Oh, okay.”
(Darwin's genius wasn't enough. I stayed with the company until my paycheck bounced.)
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