Vanity and Diplomacy

Foreign heads of state who come to the United States on an official state visit are greeted by the President in a formal ceremony at the White House, almost always on the South Lawn. The South Lawn, of course, is outside.

Therefore, I want to urge all those who are thinking about voting for Donald Trump to ask themselves how they would feel if they saw the President of the United States shaking hands with, say, the Chancellor of Germany or the King of Saudi Arabia while wearing a ball cap to keep his comb-over from blowing in the wind.

I’m just sayin’.

And the Cubs won the game

It is well known in my circle of family and friends that I am a big soft mush who can be moved to tears in any sentimental moment. Yesterday was a hard day.

I was barely holding it together last night while ESPN showed ballplayers in stadiums all over the country remembering Miami Pitcher Jose Fernandez, killed the night before in a boating accident. If they couldn’t hold back their tears, how could I?

Then during the Cubs-Cardinals game, David Ross, Cubs catcher who in only two years has endeared himself to the fans in Chicago, came to bat in what was to be the Cubs’ last home game of the season. Ross, 39, has announced this is his last year in the big leagues. When his name was announced, the crowd gave him a rollicking standing ovation.  He was moved.  So was I.

When he came up to bat for the second time in the game, the Cub fans again got to their feet and cheered him noisily. He thanked them by hitting a home run. That alone could have put me over the edge, but then they broke away for a special news break saying Arnold Palmer had died.

Later in the game, with two outs in the seventh inning, Joe Madden came out of the dugout and ambled toward the pitching mound. Nobody could understand why he was doing that since Jon Lester was pitching a fine game and in no trouble at all. But Madden went out there not to relieve the pitcher but to take Ross out of the game so the fans could shower their appreciation on him all over again. Ross was moved. So was I.

I blinked the tears out of my eyes, trying to put myself back together as I watched Ross leave the field, waving his thanks to the fans. I had almost succeeded when the picture switched to a shot of the next St. Louis batter, Catcher Yadier Molina, standing at home plate sincerely applauding Ross as he walked toward the dugout.

No more holding back. More Kleenex, please.

How To Maintain Control

I used to collect pencils from golf courses, those stubby little things they give you to mark your scorecard that have the name of the course printed on them. At first I saved pencils only from courses I had actually played, basically as souvenirs.

But then I started having friends bring me pencils from courses they played in other towns or states, and any time I drove past a golf course from which I had no pencil, I’d stop in and ask for one. I faxed or e-mailed scores of courses asking them to send me a pencil or two. Through the miracle of the Internet I found other collectors to trade with, and I created a web page (that was mentioned in Sports Illustrated magazine) to promote the hobby. I became quite the Grand Poobah of golf course pencil collecting. I had pencils from over 2,600 golf courses from all over the country and the world.

And then one day I was tired of it, so I sold the whole bunch to a fellow collector and was glad to be done.

I have a collection of casino chips. I save one or two chips from every casino I gamble at, basically as souvenirs.

Friends sometimes offer to bring me a chip from some casino they plan to visit, but I politely decline; or if they do give me one, I accept it with thanks but keep it separate from the others, limiting my collection to chips from casinos I have actually been to and gambled at.

You see, I learned my lesson from the pencils.