Does almost Ph.D. in musicology count?

When I have Facebook open on my PC, there are various temptations off to the right of the main postings -- games to play, headlines, today’s baseball games. I often don’t even see them, but something caught my eye yesterday – an image that looked like part of a cartoon, and it belonged to a group called Music Teachers. I like musical jokes, so I thought I’d click on it and see if I could look at the whole image.

I landed on their group page and was disappointed to see that even less of the drawing is visible. An introductory blurb welcomed all but warned that this was a closed (but not private) group whose membership “is limited to Private, Public, and Studio Teachers” over 18. There were three questions for me to answer, and if they had any doubt about me, my eligibility would probably depend on what the admins were able to glean about my musical background from my Facebook profile.

Well, thought I, let’s just see. I clicked on the Join Group button and tackled the first question:

In what setting do/did you currently or formerly teach music? If you are not a teacher, please answer the next question.  

I wrote: Private teacher of piano and guitar; Graduate Teaching Assistant teaching freshman sight-singing and ear-training.

That’s pretty good, isn't it? But, since I no longer teach, I had to go on to the next question:

If you are not currently a music teacher, how do you plan to benefit?

Um.  Well, I’d like to see the entirety of that cartoon, which might make me smile, or even laugh, which would increase my overall general disposition and health.

Ooh, well now, I don’t know – inadequate, probably.

Okay, how about – I could have the satisfaction of amusing people by telling stories, like the one about my guitar student Walter who wouldn’t stop looking at his watch, which is why even 40 years later, when I’m with someone who looks at their wristwatch, I automatically say, “Quit looking at your watch, Walter.”

What more could they want besides a former music major with some good stories to tell?

Well, we’ll never know now. I left the page, too afraid of failure even to try. I don't take rejection well. That cartoon might not have been funny anyway.

There was a third box, in which I was to write any number larger than 18, to show that I am not a robot. I doubt any self-respecting robot would try to join that bunch.