The other day I thought I should try this carb-free cloud bread about
which there is a lot of talk. I will not be doing it again.
It’s basically whipped egg whites folded into a mixture of egg yolks and
cream cheese. The batter resembles snot. Round discs of it are spread on cookie
sheets and baked. Once cooled, it actually tastes sort of like bread, but the
texture is nothing like. The way it dissolved on my tongue reminded me of communion
wafers.
And that reminded me of the time I choked on the communion
wine – well, it was grape juice. The Methodists would never serve an intoxicant.
I was in high school at the time.
Eating the bread in remembrance
of Him went smoothly, but then came the tiny little glass cup of juice. I tossed it back, and it went down the wrong pipe. My body wanted me to
cough, but I was not about to let the entire congregation know that I had just choked on the blood of Christ.
Unable to breathe, I nevertheless got up off my knees and walked nonchalantly back to my pew,
probably growing alarmingly red in the face. Once seated, I let loose, hacking strenuously until my airway was cleared. I was sure, however, that nobody realized that the faux vino was to blame, thus saving myself from humiliation, mortification, and general teenaged angst.
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