Sploring

Sploring is an activity that has probably been invented and reinvented ever since there have been people with no place to go who wanted to go somewhere. No doubt it was originally conducted on foot. Our version involves an automobile.

It's a simple concept, but there are some rules:

There is no destination. You just pick a direction and drive, taking back roads as much as possible. Dirt roads are optional, depending on how recently you've had your car washed.

You may not consult a map or ask for directions until you are so completely lost you cannot figure out how to get anywhere.

Whenever the opportunity to change direction arises, the occupants of the car may take turns deciding whether to turn right or left or not at all. The driver always has the final say (see rule above about dirt roads).

Advanced Sploring involves wending your way from one small town to another and stopping in each to buy instant lottery tickets at the local mom-and-pop convenience store. Everyone scratches the tickets immediately but they are not redeemed for cash prizes (if any) until you reach the next such store in the next such town. The game ends when somebody loses a bunch of money or when everybody is covered in nubbly little scratch-off crumbs, whichever comes first.

Although optimum conditions for Sploring include sunshine and moderate temperatures, it may be practiced at any time of the year as long as the roads are clear of ice and snow. If Sploring in winter, however, it is important to remember that what looks like a wide shoulder with plenty of room to pull over preparatory to doing a U-ie in the road might actually be a snow-covered ditch, and it will then require a farmer who lives nearby to just happen to be passing by who will be nice enough to go home and get his tractor to pull you out.

If Sploring in certain parts of Michigan, you should also be wary of dirt roads through dense woods where men in para-military outfits carrying assault rifles are playing games. Should you encounter such an area, it is strongly recommended you get the hell out of there as fast as you can.